Many women with ADHD turn to shopping to cope with stress and anxiety. Buying things can feel good in the moment. But it often leads to regret, overspending, and money struggles. In this episode, Dr. Monica Johnson explains how too much shopping can become a form of self-sabotage for women with ADHD. She also shares simple tips to help take back control of spending and avoid money problems.
Many women with ADHD turn to shopping to cope with stress and anxiety. Buying things can feel good in the moment. But it often leads to regret, overspending, and money struggles.
In this episode, Dr. Monica Johnson explains how too much shopping can become a form of self-sabotage for women with ADHD. She also shares simple tips to help take back control of spending and avoid money problems.
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Timestamps
(00:00) Intro
(00:50) What is Compulsive Buying Disorder?
(03:01) What are signs of shopping addiction?
(03:37) Consequences of shopping addiction
(06:56) Tips for managing shopping addiction
For a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood: ADHD in Women page on Understood.org. We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at podcasts@understood.org.
(00:00) Intro
Dr. J: For many women with ADHD, shopping can feel like self-care. That is, until it becomes self-sabotage. This is "ADHD, And," a podcast where we talk about everyday life and ADHD. I'm your host, Dr. J. I'm a licensed psychologist who works with those with ADHD. Today we're talking about ADHD and shopping addiction.
Sorry, not sorry, in advance for coming for your retail therapy and YOLO existence. Shopping addiction or compulsive buying disorder isn't just about loving pretty things. It's about using spending to soothe, escape, or regulate emotions when your brain struggles to do it on its own.
(00:50) What is Compulsive Buying Disorder?
Dr. J: Compulsive buying disorder, or CBD, is characterized by persistent, excessive, or uncontrollable buying behavior that causes significant impairment or distress in social, work, or financial functioning. And no, the DSM-5-TR hasn't formally recognized it as its own diagnosis, but researchers and clinicians have been studying it for years because it's very real.
There is research that states that 5.8% of people in the U.S. have it, and 80% of the people studied were women. We're not going to get into the potential bias of that. However, what was also found is a very high rate of comorbidity with other disorders, including impulse control disorders. Guess what is a major factor in ADHD? Yep.
Let me be clear, compulsive buying is rarely about needing more stuff. Most people with CBD report intense emotional distress, boredom, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and the shopping provides a temporary escape or a rush. That new pair of boots, that's not just fashion, that's serotonin in a box.
This behavior shares features with both addictive disorders, so for example, having cravings, developing tolerance, or having withdrawal-like symptoms, and also impulse control disorders. Many folks describe feeling a tension before the purchase and then a sense of relief afterwards, at least until the guilt sets in. And baby, the guilt is real. People with CBD often hide purchases, lie about their spending, and experience intense shame or regret after a shopping spree.
(03:01) What are signs of shopping addiction?
Dr. J: You might be wondering what's the difference between impulsive spending and something like shopping addiction. We all can have a habit of impulsively buying things from time to time, the same way that people have a few drinks here or there or maybe even a vacation in Vegas that you can barely remember. There are a lot of factors that move the needle from the realm of the normal spectrum of unhealthy habits and the, "Oh crap, what am I doing with myself?" level of unhealthy habits. So here are a few factors for you to monitor:
Preoccupation with shopping or planning purchases, loss of control over how much or how often you buy, emotional buying to cope with stress, sadness, or boredom, negative consequences like debt, fights with your partner, or job issues, having guilt and shame after your purchases, and finally, hiding purchases or downplaying your spending.
Sound familiar? Don't panic. We're going to talk about solutions too. But first, let's dive into some of the effects or consequences of shopping addiction.
(03:37) Consequences of shopping addiction
Dr. J: The first is financial consequences. Research consistently identifies financial problems as the most immediate and visible consequence of compulsive buying. People with CBD often accumulate significant amounts of credit card debt, unpaid loans, maxed-out accounts, and even bankruptcy. According to research, individuals with CBD often spend beyond their means.
This can lead to chronic debt, with some studies showing that nearly 50 to 60% of those with CBD carrying substantial credit card debt. And unlike an occasional splurge, these are not isolated incidents. They are part of a repeated, distress-driven pattern. We're not just talking about buying a few extra outfits during a sale. We're talking mortgages getting delayed, utility shut off, and even legal trouble in some cases.
I routinely see people online discussing how they're not going to pay off their debts and they're just going to file bankruptcy, like it's a casual, natural thing to do. It seems like our over-consumption culture is encouraging shopping addiction, especially with additions like buy now, pay later, which, spoiler, is terrible for anyone that has issues with impulse control.
When you, for example, want an expensive item, the price of that item hurts. One of the reasons why they price things as $9.99 instead of $10 is because it feels cheaper to the consumer. When you buy that $1,000 Beyonce ticket on buy now, pay later, psychologically, it's only $250, which is a much easier pill to swallow. When you have an impulse control disorder, you're never thinking about the pay later in the moment. So you keep using these programs and stacking up micro loans until you're completely underwater.
Number two is emotional and psychological consequences. Shopping may start as a coping mechanism for emotions like stress, anxiety, or boredom, but research shows it quickly leads to a cycle of guilt, shame, and emotional distress. After the temporary high of a purchase, many people experience increased guilt, feelings of regret, self-loathing, and depressive symptoms.
Some studies note that CBD often co-occurs with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and even suicidal ideation in severe cases. One study found that nearly 60% of individuals with CBD met the criteria for a comorbid mood disorder.
Number three is social and interpersonal consequences. Many people with CBD report strained relationships with partners, family, and friends, lying or hiding purchases, loss of trust, isolation or withdrawal, and so much more. One study found that people with CBD will engage in deceptive behaviors to cover their spending, which can lead to major relationship conflicts. Couples fight over secret credit card bills, friends stop lending money, family members try to intervene. It can really tear through support systems that people otherwise rely on.
(06:56) Tips for managing shopping addiction
Dr. J: Now let's dig into a few effective strategies and tips. The first is cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. CBT is the gold standard for managing CBD and for good reason. It helps you identify the distorted beliefs and emotional triggers driving your spending behavior and challenges them in real time. Studies have shown that CBT significantly reduces compulsive buying behavior, especially when paired with behavioral homework like tracking spending urges and emotional states.
Which leads me to my number two: track your triggers and your spending. You can't change what you don't understand. Many people with CBD don't realize how much they're spending, why they're spending, or how often. Keeping a spending journal helps to illuminate these patterns.
Number three is to build an emotional toolkit. Shopping is often a solution for something deeper: sadness, loneliness, stress, insecurity. We don't just want to stop shopping, we want to start coping differently. So instead of shopping, try this instead: If you're bored, create a playlist, go for a walk, play a game. Anxious? Try breathwork, tapping, journaling, or exercise. Are you lonely? Call a friend, send a voice memo, go to a third place like a library or a community garden. Are you on a shame spiral? Practice self-compassion or affirmations like, "This urge doesn't define me. I'm healing." This is about learning how to sit with feelings, not stuff them with stuff.
Number four is to set up digital boundaries. So online shopping is designed to be addictive: the bright colors, the countdown clocks, the "only one left" messages. It all plays on your brain's dopamine system. Here are some practical steps to deal with this: The first is to unsubscribe from marketing emails, delete shopping apps, use browsing extensions like Stay Focused, Leech Block, or Freedom to limit access to shopping websites, turn off buy now, pay later options like Klarna and Afterpay, block shopping hours, so for example, no scrolling after 9 p.m., and yes, even cancel that Amazon Prime if it's causing more hurt than it is helping you with anything. I said what I said. And I've basically canceled everything that would encourage me to spend more money.
Number five is to get support. CBD is lonely. Shame isolates you, but healing happens in communities. Group treatment has shown efficacy in reducing shame and improving accountability. So you may want to try Spenders Anonymous or Debtors Anonymous.
And finally, create a return and recover ritual. If you bought the thing again, now what do you do? Well, instead of spiraling into shame, here's a couple of ideas: Pause and breathe. Ask what were you feeling. Return it if you can, but without punishing yourself. Log the incident as data, not failure, and then use your recovery plan. Reach out, reground, recommit.
Recovery isn't linear. Healing from compulsive buying isn't about becoming frugal to the point of misery. It's about learning how to feel what you feel without reaching for the next purchase. It's about building emotional muscle, reclaiming your power, and spending in ways that feel aligned.
That's it for this episode of "ADHD, And." If you love today's episode, be sure to check out our episode on "ADHD and Impulsive Spending," where I break down what's really behind the sudden urges to spend money. If you struggle with managing shopping habits or have tips of things that have worked for you, let me know in the comments. This is part of building a supportive community. Thank you so much for joining me.
"ADHD and" is produced by Tara Drinks, with video by Calvin Knie. The show is edited by Alyssa Shea.
Our theme music was written by Justin D. Wright. Andrew Rector provides production support.
Briana Berry is our production director. Neil Drumming is our editorial director.
For Understood.org, our executive directors are Laura Key, Scott Cocchiere, and Jordan Davidson.
And I'm your host, Dr. J.